5.11.2006
I Need to Stay Humble
She sits in the corner of our living room with her Little House on the Prairie book and my favorite quilt. She is only seven years old and sometimes she gets lonely here at home, but generally she seems happy enough to learn by her mother’s side.
I struggle all of the time about our educational choices. You see, we homeschooled the older children until a certain point and then we enrolled them in our local public school. I still have Anna, our first grader, and the baby at home during the day.
Tuesday night was our homeschool co-op’s “Grand Finale.” That’s the night we go and look at Anna’s knitting and art projects and then listen to the homeschool co-op’s band and choir. The kids, as a whole, looked cleaner cut than the kids I’m used to seeing around our small town. The girl’s clothes were . . . appropriate. No midriffs showing. No words such as “hottie” or “babycakes” were splashed across the bottoms of their pants. The only people wearing earrings were female. It was a little refreshing. At one point, the choir director stood and announced that the kids which we were about to hear had all earned a “I” rating at contest. I was impressed. “Clearly homeschooled kids practice more and are more motivated,” I thought. But then they started to sing. Who was the judge that doled out all of the I ratings?? He must have been in a sympathetic mood.” I thought. Seriously, most of these kids could barely carry a tune, and technique must be an aspect of music that wasn’t covered in homeschool co-op choir.
Last week, I went to Branson as a chaperone with my oldest daughter on her band-trip. They are a great bunch of kids, and their band playing is EXCELLENT—no sympathy I ratings among these kids! But I have to say that I am always floored at how downright mean some of them are. Arrogance is a character trait that is not often dealt with by public school teachers, and even admired by some. I heard one high-schooler say to another high-schooler in her snotty-sorority-girl-voice, “You OBVIOUSLY weren’t listening or you would have been here on time.” It bothers me to hear my own children talking to each other that way here at home. I know they learned it from the kids at school.
The Rays are misfits of sorts. The homeschoolers with whom we are acquainted look down on us because we have our older kids in public school. The public schoolers think we’re just odd for homeschooling our younger children. “When are you going to put Anna in school?” is a question I get asked about once a month. (WHEN THE LORD TELLS US TO.) I’ve been at this gig long enough to know the pros and cons of both sides. Homeschooling affords so many opportunities to build tight relationships and have great conversations with my children. As R. C. Sproul Jr. puts it: “Education is conversation.” Thanks to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons -and- Parents Who Love Reading-Kids Who Don’t, I’ve taught four children to read and to LOVE IT. (Abbey’s 6th grade teacher said that she had never met a child who read as much as my Abbey did. It is no exaggeration to say that she currently reads about one book a week. More in the summertime.) I’ve been able to teach my children A LOT of Bible including all 145 questions and answers in the Westminster Catechism for Young Children. Titus could recite from memory, all 42 presidents when he was just three years old. Homeschooling allows for a lot of creativity that’s just not possible in a classroom of twenty-five (or more) students. These are good things.
But if you care about quality education, and you’re being honest with yourself, most people need help with the task of educating their children as they get older. Teaching several children at different grade levels and keeping a semi-orderly home is truly a task for Super Woman or perhaps Mother Theresa. And how many of us are experts in all subject areas? I do well with first grade math and phonics, however, I do not feel confident that I can give my children quality teaching in the areas of algebra, physics and chemistry.
Weighing all of this out can be burdensome. And above all of the conflicting thoughts, I can hear David saying: “I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than dwell in the tents of wickedness.” (Psalm 84:10) Truly, if my children grow up to be highly educated and successful in a worldly sense but do not love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength, I will weep with a sense of failure. The Lord knows my heart here-- I would rather for any one of my children to have a humble station in life and to love God with a burning zeal than to be an apathetic, luke-warm millionaire.
So, I'm left with this: I’ll continue to go about this whole mothering business on my knees-- knowing that God resists the proud but give grace to the humble. Amen?
12 Comments:
AMEN!! I find it interesting how some issues absolutely polarize Christian women (To homeschool or not? Public school or private school? To work or not?) and how some people hold so tightly to their opinions about what is THE ONLY RIGHT WAY. I really admire how you are following the leadership of the Holy Spirit in your family and taking many things into consideration to do what is best for each child. May we all as Christian moms have the same passion to keep the main thing the main thing ... and that is raising kids who know and serve the authentic Christ. Keep up the great blogging!
Hi! I just found your blog yesterday, so I'm pretty new here. I'm enjoying what I see so far. Thanks so much for taking the Titus 2 mandate seriously.
I appreciate your opinions about homeschooling and completely agree that this should not be a dividing issue among Christians. We are different members of one body, and certainly the eyes shouldn't be saying to the hands, "We don't need you."
However, I do take issue with two statements from this post (as the title of your post mentions, I hope I'm communicating in a spirit of humility). The first is "But if you care about quality education, and you're being honest with yourself, most people need help with the task of educating their children as they get older." Because I don't know you well at all it's hard for me to judge the meaning behind this statement. It sounds as if you're asserting that parents who choose not to get "professional" help in educating their children through high school either a)don't care about quality education or b)aren't being honest with themselves. I assume that's not what you meant to imply, but I did want to caution you about the way it's worded.
I would agree with you that most (actually I would say all) parents need help educating their children. All parents need help with all aspects of parenting, as all Christians need help from the rest of the Body to complete the tasks God has assigned. What I would disagree with is the assumption that the help must come from professional teachers, either in public or private schools. This is a shortcoming of our culture that Christians have bought into--that we must leave the important aspects of our lives to "professionals", whether it be education, child-rearing, counseling, or any of the other mandates God has given us.
I have a bit of a different perspective on this because my in-laws homeschooled their children through grade school and high school back before it was popular to homeschool at all. This was also before the advent of some of the outstanding homeschool curriculums and support groups that we have now. They did get help, but they found most of it in their church--a man who had a college degree in math, friends who made pottery, etc. Today it's even easier to find this help in the community or through curriculum designed especially for the homeschool parent who isn't an expert in the field they're teaching.
Which brings me to my second point of disagreement: "And how many of us are experts in all subject areas?" It's my opinion that we don't need to be. My goal is to teach my children how to teach themselves so that by the time they're in high school they'll be doing most of their work independently. I'll be more of a guide than a teacher.
Now keep in mind that my oldest child is just finishing up first grade. So most of these theories are personally untested, except as I've learned from my in-laws and observed more-experienced homeschool parents in my church and community. When my kids get to high school I may have to throw all these ideas out the window. LOL That's why I try to keep an open mind and not say things I'll regret in a few years. :oD
I guess I've run on long enough for a first-time poster, huh? I do want to say that I'm not saying any of this to cause you to second-guess your family's education plans. It sounds like you've made some great choices.
In Christ,
Jodi
Hi Jodi-
Good thoughts from you.
No, I don't believe that the help must come from the schools. If I had help from people outside of the schools or could hire private tutoring, I would be very grateful.
I've seen other families homeschool several children at the higher grade levels and they seem to be doing beautifully. But most of the time I wonder "What's giving?" Maybe it's just me, but I was doing great until we added my 3rd child into the homeschooling ring. It was my opinion at the time that everyone was losing. That's still my opinion. I was finally able to get my 3rd born reading after we enrolled the older two in school.
Most of the families that I know who are homeschooling several children at the higher levels are usually getting quite a bit of help from homeschool co-ops. However, those kind of co-ops are not available to me in the rural area in which I live.
I also know a lot of homeschooling families where academics are not that important. They will readily admit that they are choosing "character" over "quality." That's A VERY VALID CHOICE in my opinion.
Lastly, I know a few homeschooling families where the parents are practically rocket scientists. Lucky them. :)
I guess I do take issue with your belief that children can learn everything they know by being self-learners. I think there is much to be learned in the role of "apprentice." I guess what I am trying to say is: "Not everything can be learned from a book." Music is a good example of that.
Thank-you for stopping by my blog Jodi! I always love hearing from other Titus 2 women. :)
Great thoughts! We are just getting started at homeschooling. I have used the 100 easy lessons with my son and loved it. I definitely agree that sucess as it is defined by the world is not the goal. Also, like you said, there are good and bad to both choices. In the end, you can't worry what your neighbor thinks or other parents. You have to do what is best for your family and, of course, where God is leading you.
I would love to hear more about what curriculum or books have worked well for you. I know there is a lot out there, but it can be helpful to hear what has worked for other moms.
Michelle--
Thanks for your reply. I guess I didn't make myself clear concerning the idea of kids (or anyone) learning everything from books. I agree that's impossible, and that's where community and church resources come into play. Your mention of apprenticeship is a great idea--my husband spent a year as a plumber's apprentice while in high school. Although he eventually went into the medical field, he does all the plumbing for our family and our church. It's saved us a lot of money!
Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.
Jodi
Jodi--
We probably agree more than we can convey in writing. I really appreciate everything you had to say. The truth is, if I only had one or two children-- I'd might be planning on homeschooling them all the way through high-school. I don't know.
I haven't had time to stop by your blog yet, but I'll stop by soon. I'm in the middle of preparing for a large dinner party this evening.
I'm sure you're a fantastic homeschool mom! :)
Warmly,
Michelle
Very interesting thoughts. (I'm not sure how I got to your blog, but glad I did.) I am planning on HS my daughter starting this fall. She doesn't turn 5 until Dec., but we need to start doing something and I just don't want her in a mothers day out. (I am however sending my 18mo old one day a week. Different kids, different convictions.)
I understand what you are saying here. Our plan is to HS her for two years and then enroll her in the public school that has a program in which 1st and 2nd graders are in the same class. One year they are mentees and the second year they are mentors. I just think it is a fabulous opportunity for her on many levels. Not sure what I am doing after that. I could love HS so much that we just stick with it. Just felt like throwing that in there.
Enjoyed your blog. I'm sure I'll be back.
Michelle,
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
I appreciate your struggle about not fitting in with either group. I am a homeschooling mom, but I don't like it when it is suggested that every Christian should homeschool forever. We take one year at a time, and we'll see what happens. I just hope I will hear His voice over all the others.
I would love to hear more about your educational journey with your kids. How
I'm an idiot...sorry.
Anyway, I'd love to hear more about your educational journey with your kids. I've been thinking about this post since I read it earlier today, and now I'm back.
It has been hard for me to find someone who is not deeply entrenched on one side or the other of the issue but seeking to find the balance and follow God's leading...and blog about it. A breath of fresh air. I'd love to hear your story. :-)
Beautifully said. I struggle with the homeschool issue because I always thought that's what I would do. But when the time came to make a decision, God said public school. Now we are looking ahead to another school year and God hasn't changed his mind. I have to believe that God plans to use son at school. Besides, in our small community, having son in public school gives us as newcomers a stronger connection to the community. It would be almost impossible in this town to fit in anywhere if we weren't involved in school.
Like you said, God knows my heart. Besides, there's plenty of "homeschooling" to do even when your children are enrolled in ps. There's a certain amount of deprogramming that goes on. There's character building and Bible teaching, manners, obedience, etc. Although academics have great value, nothing is more important than our boys loving and serving the Lord - hiding His Word in their hearts!
Can't believe I missed this post.
You and I need to meet. You are telling my story. We homeschooled for three years, the last year of which I almost had a nervous breakdown. The next year, the one in which I was to add our third student, had a 2 year old, and was pregnant with #5 and on bedrest, my husband said, "NO MORE."
My experience homeschooling was a completely mixed bag. In some ways it was the best thing ever; in other ways it was really pretty terrible. But the same thing could be said about our experience in the public school system. In my opinion, there is no perfect solution.
I call myself a public schooler with a homeschool mindset. I think hard-core homeschoolers make the assumption that you will no longer have an ounce of influence over your children once they go to the "den of iniquity." This irritates me to no end. Fact is, it's made us be MORE involved and talk through everything with them. We are much more purposeful spiritually with them because we have to be.
That said, I am still debating on what to do with our two youngest students next year - why does it have to be so hard (on the knees?).
I'll join you in the ranks of misfits. It's such a hot button on both sides of the fence (why should there be a fence, I'll never know) - you are brave to throw it out there.
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