5.08.2006
Love and Marriage: To Date or Not to Date?
Truett and I have been having so much fun putting together a little slide show for my parent's wedding anniversary party next week. Looking at all of my parent's old wedding photographs as well as pictures that span fifteen years of my own marriage, has made me think about how our family has been very much blessed with strong, stable marriages. I so desire these same blessings for our children and for all of the little ones in our church.
When it comes to dating, our children have been hearing since they were toddling around in children's church how those years are going to play out around here. My husband and I decided long ago that we didn't want to be a part of the normal American dating game, and so we looked for opportunites early on to You shall not intermarry with [the nations]; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you. Deuteronomy 5:2-7I'm always floored when parents play fast and loose on this issue. Many an older mom has said to me, and most condescendingly I might add--"Once they get to be 16, you just can't tell them what to do anymore." Excuse me? Why didn't somebody tell our parents that when we were growing up? Why did my husband and I stay under authority? The answer to these questions is that our parents never believed that you can't tell a sixteen year old what to do. My husband's parents were often told "You can't tell a sixteen year what he can and cannot do." They would ALWAYS reply, "We can, and we do." My husband and I learned from this, that parents lose their authority only as soon as they believe they have lost the right to expect respect from their teenage children. When the children are little, this concept is easy to grasp. We put child safety locks on our cabinets and teach them that the stove is hot. "No touch," we say. When they turn sixteen, their need for protection is still there--it just looks and plays out differently. We need to teach them to guard their hearts. And when it comes to people to whom their not married, "No touch!" can and should serve as a handy motto. My personal testimony includes tremendous spiritual growth and focus on Christ during the last two years of high-school. Not incidentally, this spiritual growth took place AFTER I "broke off" a dating relationship that I had no business being in and then made a commitment to "not date" until I was old enough to seriously think about marriage. I don't think this would have been the case had my heart been distracted with romance. I know the whole idea of skipping the high-school dating scene might seem bizarre to many of the people who read this blog. In light of I Peter 2:9, I'm OK with seeming a bit peculiar. I'm also not laying down the proverbial law here and saying that our family's views on dating are Biblical mandates. What I am saying is that Christians need to THINK THEIR VIEWS THROUGH and pray before automatically falling in with the American line. My husband and I feel that our marriage has been the best fifteen years of our lives. Right honey? :) Our prayer for our own children is that they will find the same happiness that their father and I share.
11 Comments:
Amen, sister! I have no problem with any of these statements, in fact I agree! And that's coming from a 17-year-old guy! I just don't see any point in the dating game. Besides what you've already mentioned, most of the people at school cheat on each other anyway, and it's just accepted that that's going to be part of their relationship. It's not a healthy message to be sending to America's (more specifically Gallatin's) youth that commitment doesn't matter. To be really committed to a romantic relationship, I think you need to be older than a high school student. And although I have seen exceptions to the rule, I think I'll be following your example, Michelle. Besides, I DON'T HAVE TIME to worry about a girlfriend! LOL ;)
Amen, sister! I completely agree with what you said, and that's coming from a 17-year-old guy! I just don't see any point in the dating game. Besides what you've already mentioned, it seems like most of the people at school who have a significant other cheat on them. It's just accepted that that's going to be a part of their relationship. This is not a good lesson for youth, because commitment DOES matter.
I think I'll probably be sticking to your example, Michelle. Besides, I don't have time for a girlfriend!
Amen, sister! I completely agree with what you said, and that's coming from a 17-year-old guy! I just don't see any point in the dating game. Besides what you've already mentioned, it seems like most of the people at school who have a significant other cheat on them. It's just accepted that that's going to be a part of their relationship. This is not a good lesson for youth, because commitment DOES matter.
I think I'll probably be sticking to your example, Michelle. Besides, I don't have time for a girlfriend!
Wow! I'm really sorry about the multiple posts, but when I click post the computer just sits there. I didn't realize the message had been posted. Due to the new formatting, you might check on whether the error is on my end or yours.
Love the picture. Thanks for working on the slideshow! With you on the dating scene and will be working towards teaching our own girls the same things, in due time of course... (Have you seen all the weird father/daughter purity ball things going around on the internet? - There is just something off about that. I for sure do not want my 5 year old daughter (or my 7 year old, 4 year old, or 2 year old) making a "pledge to stay sexually pure" - at the ages they are at right now... I simply want them to play with their dollies and swing outside, you know what I mean???
No purity balls around here. Yes- "something a little off about that" is a good description.
I totally agree that the American dating scene is horrendous. I didn't think so at the time, though. Hey, what other option was there? But looking back, there are many things I wish I had done differently, and that was a decade ago. I can only imagine what it will be like for my young ones in 15 years.
Thanks for the post. Came from Amy Scott's site.
Amanda
Ok, this is REALLY "Linda A" this time instead of Jonathan! ;>)
Michelle, thank you so much for posting that! I was heavily into the "dating game" because I had no other teaching before me and I made so many mistakes that you couldn't count them all. It pretty much ruined my teen years and early adult life, compared with what it should have been, and though I was serving God some (got saved at 16), I was limping instead of leaping.
I am overjoyed that Jonathan has the attitude he does about dating because I don't have to insist on anything there. Praise God! I think Phillip feels pretty much that way and I'm just hoping he doesn't change.
OH, and the picture? I never thought you looked much like your mom until I saw that! Yup, they can claim you, that's for sure! ;>)
Missed you - glad you're back!
I'm just very encouraged to read this! I pray that your children would indeed learn from the history and examples of those before them in this area.
It's very easy for me to feel hard-nosed for the beliefs that I hold to be true, but what you say is so true. I needed to hear this, especially with a 19-year-old stepdaughter in my house with a child of her own already and no desire to ever marry but an obvious desire to continue on in the way she's been going.
Thanks for saying this.
Great thoughts. You always give me food for the mind.
I agree with you on the need not to date. Doug and I tried to get that message across to our youth when we were working with them and it was disappointing how many of them thought we were absolutely crazy for telling them they should not be dating at this age. There were some girls who could not go anywhere without all these comments about the boys. I am glad that my children will not be the only ones in Gallatin who will not be able to date in high school.
Your blog looks nice. A little too pink for me, but I'll still keep reading:)
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