6.20.2006
What Works for YOU??
The following is an email correspondence between a young mom and myself. If you have "lived to tell" about this stage of life, I know you have a bit of wisdom for this dear mom. So, I thought for this "Works for me Wednesday," I would let some of you share what works for YOU! Please leave your sage wisdom in my comments box.
Hello. I am a young mother of 2 and I have been desperately searching for some "Home Managing" help and have found nothing. I came across your site and saw that you have a large family and said that your not knew to this whole mothering thing, So I was just wondering if maybe you could pass along some tips and tricks? Your help would be very much appreciated. Let me tell you a bit about myself.. My name is Sally and I am a young 20something. I have 2 small children and have been married for 5yrs. I own my home as well as my Daycare business--so it sounds like I have my stuff together and everything under control. But to me, I am having trouble managing my household chores and putting sensible meals on the table and still having time to tuck in the little ones and giving my husband attention. I feel like I have all the big ideas and know exactly what my problem is... but I can't seem to pinpoint it and fix it. Does this make any sense to you.. I feel like I am rambling? Sally
Dear Sally,
Well, the fact that you run a daycare is huge. Don't underestimate the fact that you run a full time home and a full time business. I'm just going to tell you upfront that I know that my life would look much different if I did what you did!! With each baby, I gave up more and more outside responsibilities. My husband always says-- "It's just math, Michelle. You only have so many hours in the day--so don't overspend!"
That said- I think getting things under control starts with the little things. Make one or two little decisions and be consistent with them before moving on to the next thing. For instance, make a commitment that you are going to make your bed everyday and/or that you will never go to bed with a sink full of dirty dishes. Even if the rest of your house is falling apart, you will feel a sense of accomplishment in doing those 1 or 2 things that you've committed to. After you've established those new little habits, add another new little habit.
As far as meals go- I've been in the habit of planning out a 2 week menu for a LONG time. Every two weeks, I print out a 2 week menu, make a grocery list from the menu, post the menu on the front of my refrigerator and STICK TO IT. This is major in my home--my life would be chaos if I didn't function like this!! I also keep a list on file on my computer of Wal-Mart's grocery aisles IN THE ORDER that they are found at WalMart. When I go to WalMart with my grocery list, I can get in and out quickly because my shopping is so stream lined. Now that some of my kids are older, I let them help me shop too. (We usually leave Wal-Mart with 3 heaping full grocery carts.)
Have you ever heard of Flylady.com?? I know of a lot of gals who say that her website has totally helped them get their households under control. You might check her out.
Well, I don't feel that I've been much help here, but I've tried to send you one or two things that I think might be a start for you. Please feel free to keep emailing.
Warmly, Michelle
Works for my Wedensday is hosted by Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer. Check it out!
P.S. Names have been changed for privacy's sake. I also thought I would direct "Sally" to Doing It All-- an old post meant to encourage young moms who are feeling overwhelmed.
8 Comments:
Great advice, Michelle. Seems like before kids, things like housekeeping and meals are second to work and outside activities. My husband and I could throw together something in the last minute and it worked. It was a big transition for me for my life suddenly to revolve around meals, bedtimes and home care. But it IS a big job, and it takes a lot of time.
I would only add that having an in-home day care is a full-time job, and to try to imagine how much work you would get done at home if you were working outside the home (not much). Unfortunately, my guess is that things like big cleaning, shopping and laundry would need to be done on weekends, and enlisting hubby's physical help (say, for errands and grocery shopping) would be absolutely mandatory.
Encouraging post, Michelle. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I love the Crockpot for meals. Our Thursdays are crazy--soccer practice right after school, then not home until 6pm and don't want to cook dinner, so to try to make dinner was impossible. At first, I only had two or three meals, but if I use it once a week, that's okay. I got Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook, and love it. It does require some prep (like browning) but the food is good, and I can do it anytime, not just at 6pm.
Also, Once a Month Cooking (cookbook) never worked for me in entirety, but you can see which meals freeze well, and make a few one Saturday to have at the ready.
Mostly what this concept taught me was to double up--if I make lasagna, I cook half and freeze half for another meal. I almost always make a double batch of chili or spaghetti, because it's not any harder, and the other half goes in the freezer. Ditto for taco meat.
I love Michelle's idea for adding or doing one new thing at a time. It is very overwhelming, so if you set a goal to say, fix dinner three nights this week, and then when you get that down, add some weekly cleaning chore or something. And get someone to hold you accountable. If I set a goal and tell a friend that I've done so, she can ask me, "Have you fixed dinner 3 times this week?" and it helps me to know that she's going to!
That was long, but you asked. . . .
I also plan meals out, though one month at a time. I use a shopping list like the one you describe, Michelle. (This is something I just started doing and it has been a great help!)
I found that dividing my chores into smaller chunks each day makes it easier to keep up on. For example on Mondays the only things I do toward the housework are clean the kitchen, water the plants, and take the trash to the dump. Then I don't do those chores again in that combo until the next Monday. Obviously I have to tidy up the kitchen and do dishes and things every day. But, the bigger chores are spread out.
I have two days assigned for laundry - it only gets done those days unless we have been out of town. (Tues and Fri)
One thing that has really helped me is: If I miss a day on my chores - skip it, don't try to make it up or it will get overwhelming. This has taken time to give myself "permission" to do this, but it has been a big help.
I loved the book Cleaning Up The Clutter by Emilie Barnes which is where many of the above ideas came from...it was a huge encouragement to me when I felt like all of these things were out of control and we had a new little baby in the house.
Hope this helps! :) Monica
All great suggestions ... I, too, am a big fan of the Crock Pot. The "Fix It and Forget It" cookbooks have some great recipes that are sure to please. My newest crockpot offers an additional feature that the previous ones didn't. The "crock" is metal and can be used on the stovetop as well as in the oven. It is also dishwasher and freezer safe. This makes cleanup a breeze when a dish calls for browning hamburger meat in advance. I simply brown the meat on the stove, strain it through a colander to remove excess oil, rinse out the crock, toss the meat back in and add the remainder of ingredients.
Another cooking help that has simplified meal preparation for us is a pressure cooker. I've heard many gals say they're afraid to pressure cook because of the fear of blowing the lid off and causing a huge kitchen disaster, but pressure cookers have come A LONG WAY since our mothers were young brides learning how to cook. My PC has a basket that allows me to "stack" different foods, so, for example, I can cook pork chops, new potatoes, and green beans at the same time, and it's ready in a fraction of the time it would have taken in the oven.
A third thing that helps me stay on top of the game is to set aside an hour each weekend (Sunday nights work well for me after I've put the kids to bed) to plan for the week ahead. This is the time to coordinate with hubby's schedule, update to-do lists and schedules. I also work full-time from home and have three children, ages 3, 4 and 6, so staying organized is one of the biggest challenges I face. Sometimes I just have to give myself "permission" to not have a perfect house. I liked what you wrote about it being "just math". There are, indeed, only 24 hours in a day and deciding what standards you can and cannot live with can be a very liberating first step toward taking charge of a home.
Thanks everyone for the helpful and encouraging comments so far. "Sally" emailed me and said that she didn't feel that she was doing so badly after reading your comments. I'm always so glad to be able to encourage another mom!
And Michele- Hello and thanks for jumping in! I like your laundry idea--only I may use bigger baskets. I've tried it with those Sterlite ones and it flopped. (Maybe that means I'm not emptying them quickly enough!) :)
One word.
Flylady.
I found, when I had a lot of little kids and no helpers, that it helped my own state of mind if I did not allow them free range of the whole house, to mess it up and get into all sorts of mischief.
I "roped of", with a child gate, the area we were playing/working in, and was able to keep the rest of the house fairly clean.
Elizabeth Eliot, among others, also encouraged me to train my children have quiet time in the afternoon so that I could have a little "down time". Although you may not be able to be completely successful as a day-care provided in this area, perhaps there is a way you could plan a quiet activity every afternoon that would allow you to put your feet up and have a little devotion and prayer time. In this way, when Hubby returns home, you will be more refreshed and able to give him more of the attention he deserves.
I know that with all your responsibilities it may seem impossible to find time for this, but I found early on that putting the Lord first for just .5 hour a day made everything fall into place better, and caused me less stress.
Blessings,
Sherry
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